I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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