Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
