So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
