Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
