porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
