Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
