My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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