i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
