Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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