the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
