mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
