Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
