Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
