One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
