you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
