My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
