Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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