i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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