Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
