And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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