you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize