worst night to have a conscience
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
