sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
a search helicopter?!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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