so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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