It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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