I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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