how do flat chested girls get laid?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize