Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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