you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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