am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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