I think my vagina is haunted
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
