And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
