It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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