Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
found the other keg... it's in the tree
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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