Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
