i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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