I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize