I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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