also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
