Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
