So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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