another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
