btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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