Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
