Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
