Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
