the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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