you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
