I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
