Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
