god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
