I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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