I hate your face
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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