It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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