and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
