if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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