A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
