I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
