If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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