Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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