The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
