We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
