Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
