Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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