im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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