did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
