Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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