Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
