It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
