Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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