My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
