Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
