So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
